Trust Issues

This picture of the door with the peephole was a true giggle. To be honest I had to study the door for at least 10 seconds to find out why ordering this peephole was silly. I felt quite sheepish after I recognized the reason. It was so obvious.

The same night I started a chat with God.

Me: you know God sometimes I can’t figure You out…

Snort, laugh as I get the lightbulb turned on in my head…

Me: okay, I guess I never actually figure You out…

That was the end of the conversation because I realized my questions were not going to be answered. It was so obvious, I would never wrap my head around the way God works or thinks. I could keep fighting and trying to get it or I could learn to trust Him.

But there are things I want answered. BIG THINGS!

Like why did Glen fall off the ladder at the chapel and break his leg in 3 places? (Which is finished now).

Why did I develop the plague, (my own nickname for a head cold), picking up something probably from one of the hospitals we had to go to while trying to get help?

Or why did I get sick in Scotland 2 days in and for the duration?

The most obvious why did Brian go home (heaven) early?

Why does Daisy our cat think she’s a ninja warrior and leap out in mid air at Mila the dog when Milas not expecting it and scare her half to death?

Why does Mila not eat Daisy for dinner?

These are legitimate questions that roll around in my head from time to time.

Glen is now walking and doing pretty well.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Jeremiah 33:3

It says here, call to God and He will answer you and tell you, not your life questions, but great things, unsearchable things, things you do not know.

Well is that not that best news I ever had.

I already have one thousand questions and the promise is to give me more info so I can have more questions! No thanks.

This past while I have a few online pastors ask kind of the same question: “do you trust God with your future?”

I might have had a different answer before the last year but probably not…I find it difficult to trust God with my future. So does that mean I do not truly trust God? I would tell you I adore Him, I love Him.

Do I trust Him? Hmmmmmm, depends.

It takes me to those 3 questions God and I go over and over and over from time to time.

God: “Do you know that I love you?”

Me: “Yes I know that you love me, the cross proved that.”

God: “Do you trust Me?”

Me: “Yes”

God: “But you do not like the way I do things?”

Me: “Nope.”

What happens is we go around and around with these same 3 questions until my heart catches up to my head…if I know God loves me and I trust Him, then I need to know that really those are the only 2 questions that matter regardless of if I like or not the way He does things.

It is kind of like the peephole on the door with the window right beside it…. Kind of obvious, but I guess I do not always see the peephole or the windows clearly.

God cares for us, He tells us He is our shepherd, the caretaker of His flock, and promises to never leave us. So why don’t I like the way He does things?

I heard a Pastor say it this way: so basically you are just annoyed that God is not doing things your way. You have taken on His job description to be in control of your life.

Ouch!! But oh so true!

I am annoyed that life did not go according to my plan!!! I get frustrated that I was not asked for my opinion.

Sadly I seem to forget it is not my responsibility to make my life plans happen. This from the woman who rarely remembers to take a cloth shopping bag from the stash of 20 in the back seat of the car into the grocery store. Like how hard is that, but there I stand at the check out determined not to buy another bag. On weakened days I cave and buy just one more. This is the woman I want in control? I have even resorted to putting all my groceries back in the cart and wheeling them out to the car and bagging them out there. Never mind remembering the grocery list, almost always still sitting on the counter at home. It’s a game of check off the list when you get home and for each item remembered I get some imaginary points.

Why do I need 20 cloth bags? The need to hold onto them all is kind of silly. I could donate some of them but what if I do not have enough one day?

I am much more settled in my soul since coming home from my trip to let God be God and to letting Him be the one who is in charge. The lady with excess cloth bags is for the present fine with that. Now if I could just stop trying to figure out how God thinks…..

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.”

Isaiah 55:8