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  • Writer's pictureJane Wheeler

Truckers Wife and Murder

I would have to say that Brian and my relationship has a fair amount of apart time. Being a trucker means being away from home a great deal, being in the oil patch, means having no schedule of your own, basically ever.

We have lived this way most of our married life. Would I say I am used to it? No, I am not sure you ever get used to being on your own and not having a schedule, no days off together or even days off at all. We cannot make plans because we have no idea if Brian will be home or not. He is amazing at meeting me in town and taking a few hours off so we can try to make some things work. The man really needs 2 or even 3 of himself.

But as you can imagine the struggles for both of us are enormous and my hat is off to all trucker wives – especially those with kids, it is tough.

Thank goodness for the phone because otherwise, there would be no relationship.

The phone is our communication style. Sometimes we talk 2-3 times a day, other times we probably log 20 or more calls to each other a day, depending what is going on.

When I have animal questions, he gets many calls because remember, I am not farmer girl.

Until recently we have had a peaceful little farm when the ducks left, and the chickens like it so much better, I now get 10 eggs per day from 10 happy chickens as they have destressed from the duck banter they used to get. The rooster does not even crow all that often, it has settled right down in that chicken area.

While on the other side of the yard, we have the meat birds, yes more chickens. 108 of them to be exact. They are fast-growing chickens and we will have them in the freezer before winter hits however they keep me busy because they are constantly hungry and thirsty and pooping! They poop on everything. The waterers, the feeders, the floor and they even get poop on me. I actually have a set of chicken clothes to wear into the coop. These are the animals that cause me to have many questions for Brian and often complaints, hence the phone calls.

Another phone story: One day I went to look at some windows we wanted to possibly buy off of Kijiji. Brian was working so I told him to answer his phone around 1:30 when I was there. I took some pictures of the windows and sent them to him and called for his opinion.

Now technology is wonderful when it works, but there is nothing more frustrating when you are trying to have a serious conversation or need an answer and the phone system glitches.

That day was a special glitch day. I had a hard time getting him and so as we were waiting to connect, the lady and I are talking, passing time. I had mentioned a bit of history about the farm and the fact that we believe we were directed by God to buy our farm etc.

When I finally got Brian after sending him the pictures of the windows several times, I explained that I was in the yard with the lady and what did he think?

He first asked me if I had sent the pictures, as they would not go through. I said yes, and he then kept asking, “are you there? Hello?” as the phone system glitched.

I hung up and called back. He said he still did not have the pictures and he needed the measurements, could I find a tape measure? I had one in the car so off I went, then he said, “wait a minute he would call me back.”

Okay……remember this is how we have to communicate, as the mercy of phone technology.

He called me back with a video call so he could attempt to see the windows. I answered him and could see and hear him quite well and I assumed he could see them too, I asked what he thought of the windows as I ran the camera over them.

He went on some kind of tangent at this point. I am standing outside, it is warm, about 24 and it is a trailer park so lots of people around and windows open and this poor dear lady is waiting with me to see if I want these windows. I have tried to connect with Brian numerous times and have had to hang up and try again. This time this is what we hear:

Brian laughing, “why are you making all those faces? What are you doing, why are you screwing up your face like that? I can see up your nose. Hey, can you hear me? I cannot see the windows...” laughing, loudly going “hey are you there? I cannot see the windows, I can only see your face and you are making the weirdest faces. I cannot hear you, are you there?”

I have been talking the whole time, and on my end of the camera, the phone is on the windows, thinking he can hear me, but on his end, it is my face showing. Now I am hissing in the phone, “do you want the windows or not? Can you just talk about the windows, I am not making faces!”

All we can hear is him laughing and talking about my faces and why can he not see the windows, it seems to be very loud and I am getting uncomfortable.

My blood pressure starts to rise as he is laughing some more because apparently I am being more funny, I hang up, to prevent the whole trailer park from hearing this conversation.

The dear lady is standing right there and looking at me, I am trying to explain the life of a trucker…..and his wife and that not every day is a phone friendly day.

I call him back, now off speaker and try to be out of hearing of others and I firmly say, “Brian, I was not making faces, I was showing you the windows and could you please answer me, are you interested in them?”

He attempted to ask me again about the faces and I cut him off, I am standing here with this very nice lady and she wants to know if we want the windows.

Now he switches gears, Well how many windows does she have?

I was there to look at 2.

I sigh and look at her, she replies that she has 7…..

Well what size are they all?

This lady and I look at each other and bless her heart she does not say anything. I on the other hand am thinking, I am going to kill this guy! I was sad that I had told her we were believers because I am sure she knows murder is frowned upon.

I only want 2 windows that is all we need, I am not sure why we need more...

I try calmly to reply: “if you want to see them all you can come look when you are off work. But I just need to know if you want the 2 windows that I came for."

Long and short, I bought 3 windows, yes three, and then this dear lady and I loaded them into my car.

As I was talking to her, we got to discussing about how life turns out not at all like we planned. I had told her about me and my farm and chicken story and that it was not my retirement plan. You know I might have a whole herd of chickens in my retirement but this dear lady, had a dream, she was going to retire and was going to travel in the winter and be here in the summer. She worked towards it for years.

The whole time I was there, there were 2 little girls yelling from inside the house “grandma!” and the gal the lady called to come and help us never appeared. Turns out instead of travelling and retiring, life happened, and she is now instead raising her 4 grandchildren on her own and her other daughter lives nearby and has 2 more.

God bless her, she usually has 6 kids aged 4-14 running around. We looked at each other and nodded in agreement, yup, you just never know how life will turn out. You can have all the best laid plans, been saving and even counted on it and you know, it can change so fast.

It is not wrong, it is simply different.

We can hold tightly onto our original plans, and dislike where we are at present, but trust me I have found complaining does not change much. Ever.

I sometimes think I am not liking the complaining farming woman I have turned into. Truly though, the only person who can make changes in that department is me. They say you will not make the changes you need to until it is uncomfortable enough or painful enough. Then we will force the changes that need to happen, I want to change that before that happens.

One of the things about Kijiji and marketplace is that most people are open to offers on their items. This lady taught me a life lesson. Life can change on a dime and perhaps you really should appreciate what you have because you really do not know what tomorrow will bring. Farming life did not seem so bad by the end of our visit.

I paid her full price, no haggling because sometimes, life lessons are worth every penny.

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