The View From Up Here

It might look a little like the moon but I am sitting on top of a mountain in Jasper. Where I am sitting is the Alpine region, not much vegetation but definitely there was some, you just had to look for it, there is a lot of rock.

I am at the top point of the Sky Tram: 7,400 feet above sea level. Glorious!

There are people standing right on the top of the mountain in the picture behind me. Not this girl!! Safely standing and walking around the plateau we were on was fine for me, thank you very much.

The view is spectacular, looking over the whole Jasper park area. We could see the snow covered top of Mt. Robson in the distance. Things look a little different from up here. Minuscule specks was basically the town of Jasper. I guess you could honestly say we had the bigger picture from up here.

I was quite surprised by how many memories came crashing in on me during the trip and after. Brian and I had gone to Jasper a few times. I was not expecting those tapes to start rolling in my head. The whole trip was not like that but more on the way home.

I was talking to God about these memories and the pang they brought with them. It was an uncomfortable hurt, deep inside. So I asked God what was still unhealed in me: my body, my spirit, my soul or my heart? He gently told me my soul was still damaged, it had a hole.

I wrote a blog July 15 called Revelation of a Caterpillar outlining the healing that has to happen at every level in our bodies. So this has been a theme for God and I, healing in my different levels. (click on the name to go to that page)

As a person of prayer I have often pondered why some are healed, some are not. It is not like there is a magic formula or anything like that. It is more of a question on am I missing something? What is the difference in people. God has patiently been explaining some of this to me because I personally need healing in multiple levels these past 2 years, and it looks like more to come.

Do I have the total answer, heck no, but I think I am starting to understand the intense depth of some hurts and pain. Some traumatic wounds can stay stuck, trapped inside of us for years, even forever if we do not know they are there. I have learned over the years and yes it is scientifically proven that every cell in your body has a memory. We store a great deal of what happens to us in our cells. I believe I mentioned in another blog the book “The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma" where they go into depth on these things.

In terms of healing we consistently pray for the healing of our bodies, we want the pain to stop. We attend prayer meetings, seek out Pastors and Elders. An excellent thing to do except we have neglected to bring to the prayer, the bigger picture, like the mountain top view, the whole picture. We are not just physical bodies. We have a body, a heart, a soul and a spirit as well and all or some of these may have been damaged or ripped open by life.

I asked God to give me a picture or explain to me the difference of these areas. Immediately an image of the Titanic popped into my head.

God said that the hull of the ship is our physical body. The heart of the ship, similar to our hearts, is the power, the engine room. The spirit of the ship is the “presence or image” of the ship. The Titanic was deemed “unsinkable, the worlds largest and safest ship.” This was its personality or spirit. The soul of the Titanic was the air tight, sectioned off rooms, ballast areas.

When the iceberg ripped open the hull into the ballast rooms it tore open the ships body and soul. The designers of the ship were certain that because the air tight rooms were separate if one got damaged the others would keep it afloat. They never foresaw more than one or more rooms getting ripped open. It was a small area, what danger could there be?

What happened was as the rush of sea water came in, the ship started to adjust, nothing was there to push the sea water out. So the ship started to flounder, it became unsteady.

A huge ship was brought down by a few air locked rooms that could not push the water out.

God said just like a massive ship, a whole human body could also be brought down by a couple holes in our body and souls. Unless we rectify the problem we are in danger of being brought down.

For me the Jasper trip was a form of healing so sweet to my soul but memories brought a rush like sea water that would not stop. They brought sadness, unsettledness, kind of a floundering. I wondered what was wrong because I could not seem to stop them. Much like seawater rushing into a ballast room on a boat. It caused me concern. Just to clarify this happened after the trip, on my way home by myself.

I asked God for more clarification on how to patch or fix the hole in my soul, I heard : dry dock.

In order to save the Titanic the ship would have had to be pulled out of the water and in my case out of the situation, so away from Jasper. Restoration happens on stable ground to begin the repair process.

One of the things that started the repair process was some things my friend I had travelled with had said to me. She had affirmed our friendship of over 20+ years. She had told me some reasons why she liked to travel with me. She encouraged me in ways I have not had in the past couple years.

She had no idea those details, those things she said were the glue that started to mend and close up the holes in me. The hole I thought perhaps only Brian could fill was finding reasons to close over and repair.

I had no idea what I needed but God did. He used a dear friend and her words to help keep my ship afloat, to start repairing damaged places with a balm of kindness and love. I have another friend who is offering to come help me prepare my yard, house for winter, that is love in action, and love closes holes.

Being able to look at this from a bigger perspective is key. We all, you and me get damaged in this world, in this life.

Ask God for wisdom to know if your healing is needed in your heart- your engine/power room; your physical body - your hull; your spirit aka. personality; or your soul- the deep recesses inside of you, the areas that keep you afloat.

This may be a new way to pray, different than what you are used to. But I personally have seen miraculous things happen when I invite God, my designer, into the intimate areas of my body that He designed: “heart, soul, spirit and body.”

Perhaps we look at this topic a little like the Titanic, “oh that’s ridiculous, I am unsinkable, God knows how to heal me, I will just keep praying the way I always have been.”

Just like the picture from the top of the mountain where the focus is so wide and vast. We looked upon the areas of Jasper that were burned down by the forest fire. Not all of Jasper burned, just some. The rebuilding is happening, the bandaid rows of oil shack type trailers housing folks until the repairs are completed. Partially built buildings dot the landscape on the west end of the town.

No one expected Jasper to burn, no one expects trauma and wounds to happen, yet they do. First responders come from all over to help asap. The fire gets put out and them they leave and a hole in the landscape, the community, and even in your life is left behind for you to navigate.

The same thing happens in a death of a loved one, a sickness, abuse, divorce, separation, betrayal, all of these leave huge gaping holes. We try to balance the best we can while staying afloat but we feel wobbly, unsteady. Sometimes the memories rush back in, sweeping us away in the intensity. If we have left holes in any of our areas open, not done the work to close them, often with some counseling, the water/memories if intense enough can take us down.

I have been learning a new prayer language. I ask God to identify for me where my holes still are and in what part of me: heart, body, soul or spirit. What do I need to do to help Him in the recovery process. Sometimes it requires another persons intervention, a dr., a counsellor, a friend. Notice I have learned I cannot heal the holes myself, I ask God for direction and I often ask for a creative miracle on His part. I have to be willing to give up that broken area and He is faithful to heal it.

Giving up the broken area can be tougher than you think. In many cases, it has formed an identity that we take on. For instance terms like: victim, widow, broken, unfixable can be identities we now claim. I am a widow but it is not “who I am”. I am still the child of God that He created me to be, I am not Fatherless, or helpless, I have Him.

Yes from the top of the mountain the view is a little different, the bigger picture can help put more perspective into our world.