Signing Off

Hi. It’s me.

No worries I am not signing off permanently rather I am taking a sabbatical. A one month reprieve if you will. I cannot believe I have had the privilege and honor of writing this blog since 2015, bless you my faithful readers!!!

I find myself in a very precarious place emotionally and physically. My body has now announced with bull horn blaring that it has had enough!

Did you know that for every loss, trauma, and wound you get, your body stores it up. I have talked about this before. It is proven by science but God knew about this long before, the Bible mentions the connection. God knows. That is why He promises “to heal the broken hearted, to bind up their wounds” in Psalm 147:3. Check out Psalm 34:18 as well.

He loves His broken people, He specializes in healing them.

That means, stuff as a kid, if you did not deal with it, it is still there.

That means, stuff you endured as a teenager, if you haven’t dealt with it, it is still there.

And of course it means the stuff that comes at you in adulthood if you haven’t dealt with it is still there.

There is a book called: “The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind and Body and the Healing of Trauma.” I heard about it as I listened to a class on healing trauma. I have not finished reading it, just found the title fascinating. His statistics on the amount of abuse and trauma people suffer and need to deal with are staggering.

I have had a few of those trauma hits in the last 10 months. I have had my share of losses, people wise and health wise and definitely “me” wise.

I know at this point - almost a year in, it would appear that I should be making my way out into the world and doing okay. It is not so.

Trauma and healing will NOT happen without a “safe” place to get the “ick” out. There has not been a safe space for me for a very long while, compounded by all the health crisis’s that arose.

I started my healing journey only a month ago. Counseling, groups, classes and interesting enough, having skeletal work done on my body and having trigger points released. It is work, hard work. It is a task that needs to be undertaken by each of us on our own, no one can do this work for you. Counseling certainly has given me a good sense of the how’s and a great start.

This process is leaving me bruised, painful and deeply emotional. I swing from anger, to depression to fine and happy and all in 15 minutes! I go from wanting to talk about “stuff” to I cannot even try to share or talk about the pain. It can be an isolating journey.

I have a trip planned for October and I believe God timed it exactly so that I can get away and do some deep healing and grieving.

But is that all it’s going to be?????? Heck no!

I am finally going to Scotland and I am pumped!

God and I are going to travel around and I think Brian will be fairly close by - he always wanted to take this trip with me. Next month we would have been married 15 years, I will celebrate over there.

So my friends as I told someone when I finally grasped the scope of my screaming body, now I am sorry about the language or lack of…

Please understand this is supposed to be my body talking to me, it is said with a strong thick Scottish accent and goes something like this:

“Well lass, you’ve been through a wee bit of a mess, utterly horrendous, a wee bit of a sh-t show. Aye, it’s time we started to get to cleaning you (me) up”.

Aye, and off to Scotland we go….

Thanks my friends, Its time. 😘

See you in November.