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Setting It Straight

Writer's picture: Jane WheelerJane Wheeler


I’m kind of done. I am angry, I am very angry. The red headed spontaneous combustible has been poked and prodded too much!


I am done with this need that people have to “know”, the need to have all the information about something. I am done with people not having proper information and coming to damaging conclusions.


I think we be play this game in life that the person with the most information wins!


We seek information so we can “share” it. Why?


In church we label it as prayer requests, but seriously? God needs your help pinning the problem down? I do not think so. God is quite capable of running the world without us and our “info.” It is our job to lift people up in prayer before God, not figure out the problem, figure out how to fix it or form conclusions.


Can I share that I am tired of being talked about. That my life is being thrown around in verbal banter that has nothing to do with prayer. I love prayer! I understand that I write about my life in my blogs. I get that, but I do not write to fuel the gossip. I write to take my life experiences and show how God is moving so that others can be encouraged and have hope, not as fodder for chewing on.


You are right that this could be partly my own fault. I take responsibility for that part.


HOWEVER I have just learned something that is so troubling, so disgusting, so repulsive that oh my goodness, I CANNOT stay quiet.


You are aware that my husband, Brian was killed in a horrific vehicle accident back in November. The support and love that me and our families received was so strong that it was overwhelming. I am so very grateful. Please talk about that. Be proud of the way I have been cared for!


Now unbeknown to most of you, the investigation into the accident has only just now been completed. There was an in-depth investigation into all the circumstances, facts, parties involved. It’s been almost 3 months.


Before this…. I want you to hear this clearly: There was NO conclusion to how, or what happened. It was all just "talk".


I do not care that so and so said it or that guy you know or the farmer who lives out that way or your cousin Joe. NO ONE knew, No one.


I have heard more than my fair share of the versions running rampant out there of what happened. But the bottom line is still - no one knew. The truth I received from the RCMP the other day was a much different version than anything people had came up with.


But you know that people, many people, have already formed their own opinions and come to some damaging, made up and harmful conclusions.


I learned first hand this week from the RCMP, information that no one, could even know about the accident.


I and members of my family have had people “correct” us, because our information was not correct. These dear folks who “do not know” what happened have even argued back to us because their “friend” told them and they “knew”.


My husband is and has been a professional driver since the day I met him 17 years ago. That was his profession, his job. He was good at his job.


He is not here to stand up for himself, defend himself, nor is he around to tower over someone at 6’4” when someone hurts our family with slanderous accusations. But honestly that is not Brians style. Brian, rather was a marshmallow, a kind and gentle heart, a Jesus Walker.


Fortunately I am NOT a marshmallow. So let me declare that the individuals who are going around feeling free to confront, in person, members of my family with hideous, cruel and evil accusations that my husband is a murderer because they think he was at fault. I declare that in Jesus name, those accusations are stopped right now. Shame on you!


While I know the truth about the investigation and I know the number of people and vehicles involved, I not feeding them to you. I will simply state that the accident happened, there were many people involved, but I can state with absolute truth, my husband was not in any way at fault. Before you feel free to now swing the blame to someone else let me stop you right there!


An accident is just that - an accident. A tragedy, an unexpected event. No one on that road, in that absolute blinding fog, set out that day to not come home.


So those slanderous comments by uncaring and unfeeling people must be ceased.


The accident happened, people are dead, people were hurt, and families had their hearts shattered and ripped out. The only thing to focus on is how to come around and help, lift them up, support the survivors of this horrific tragedy. Not throw blame around. Forgiveness is a great place to start.


I will start: those people who have hurt my family with their actions and words…

I forgive you. You are in pain, as am I and my family. We are all trying to navigate life in our now broken world. We miss them, we grieve them, let them go in peace.


The Peace Country is known for its generous and caring people, let’s get back to that, banding together to help each other. Not rip each other apart. Please.

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1 Comment


Anita Derksen
Anita Derksen
Jan 29

Iam so so sorry Jane.

That is one of the hardest things to go through. Not only to grieve a big loss of a loved one, but then also to be put through slander.


We are going through something like that with our son in law Davids accident. Opinions are formed by rumours, misinterpretation, grieving, anger, but never going to the real source. Not being ok that there might not be or ever will be a satisfied answer what they would like to hear.

Iam so sorry Jane. Hugs to you and your family.

Ive been in edmonton since Dec 28th with Esther and the grandkids, but would love to get together with you when i get back to GP.

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